When Nothing Feels Right, Look At The Back of the Closet

As I was dressing up to go out, nothin I wore felt right. Coz everything was in the laundry. Just when I was about to wear blahblah, I saw my old favorite baby tee which I stuffed at the back of my closet (yeah yeah coz it didn't fit me anymore lol). I last used it around 2007, I think. Well, I couldn't resist trying it on. And lo and behold, it fit!! Weeeeee!!!

Well, such is life. There will be times when nothing feels right and you just wanna give up and stare at the ceiling. But maybe we just have to look elsewhere, even in unlikely places, coz we'll never know where we might find an old stash of positive vibes. Maybe someone just might say or do something to make you smile. Or you'll come across something to remind you of reasons to smile. Or you'll realize one of your reasons for smiling is just there, you just have to "see". :))

Up, Up, and Away...Literally

Just for the uniqueness of it, I decided to write a blog from the plane, chronicling my solo flight to Singapore. Of course this would be posted later at the hotel, when I get wifi.

I actually thought that flying solo would be a drag, and that I would be bored and uncomfortable. My previous trips always had fun companions, and there were always things to talk about and stuff to do and pictures to take until we eventually fall asleep. But what do I do when I’m alone? I can’t talk to myself, I definitely can’t take pictures of myself nor could I wiggle around and do whatever. What to do?

Luckily I found out (surprisingly) that I do well alone, despite being a girl (haha I look like one, anyway). I actually enjoyed people watching, something I used to do a lot during my college days. I checked out the shops in the airport (thank goodness NAIA 3 was nice and new). I grabbed a bite alone (thank you Mr. Donut) – something I don’t normally do (I could never get used to eating alone, dunno why). Thanks to free wifi I enjoyed browsing a bit and checking into foursquare and FB. And Twittering a bit too.

Well there was this incident with the immigration that I was particularly not prepared for. The grouchy 40-ish male officer seemed to question why I was going to SG and was asking for proof of my husband’s employment there. And he asked a lot of roundabout questions. Well I was kinda taken aback by it all and I may have not made sense at a certain point but I just gritted my teeth, smiled sweetly and tried to explain as best I can. He eventually stamped my passport. So I muttered a sweet, poison-laced “Thank you”, got my documents, my handcarried luggage and walked inside…. All the while running through the list of profanities in my head.

But all’s well, I’m in the plane high up in the air in one piece. I don’t give a shit what that menopausal (yup he's a guy i know) immigration officer was thinking anymore. I should have remembered that they were strict with women flying alone. Whatever. Times like that I wish I were a guy. LOL.

It’s also my first time to use the loo in an airplane. Heck, it’s my first time to use any loo that wasn’t permanently strapped to the ground. It was kinda weird fixing your pants while being tossed by slight turbulence. Ano ‘to, Maynilad diggings? Butas butas ang daan?

The next test for me is finding my way in Changi airport. That and running one last errand: Buying booze from Duty Free for my friends (they’re priced double outside the airport). I asked Jon what exactly do I buy? He answered, “Absolut vodka, tapos… basta un!” I was like, whaaaaat?! Anong basta? So may this serve as a disclaimer that if I buy the wrong type of booze, guys, it’s because you didn’t tell me what to buy! LOL!

Ooops we’re landing in a bit. In that final descent thing that resembles a downward Ferris Wheel.

Ciaoo!

Flying Solo...

It's gonna be my first time to fly alone. I hope I find my way through the airport. I've been to NAIA 3 before but it was still newly opened at that time (back in January 2009) and there were not much shops -- not much anything, actually, to see. And I remember we had to keep going back and forth to pay this and fill this up and whatnot. So I hope I don't get lost there. Hmmm.. Magnet activated. I shall attract good vibes and shall not be hesitant to ask for directions. And I wish to attract people who give clear directions too. LOL.

Any prior excitement re this trip is somehow dampened by my separation anxiety (see my other blog here) from my son. I feel sad leaving him for a week. But I feel extremely blessed that my parents are there to take turns taking care of him. And I am also happy to see my husband, of course, and to be with our friends there, and see the sights, for a change.

As my friend told me, "Mag bonggang me time ka dun."
I will. :)

Peel off the Label

After blogging about having nothing interesting to write about, I had an epiphany. Interesting thoughts shared with my close friend Jen's via her Facebook status:

"Thanks, luv Ü I am blessed that the people who matter to me have never made me feel that I am less of a person just because I'm single. You know I would rather shoot myself than go into a relationship simply for the label or "bragging rights"" -- Jen

"Some relationships don't even need labels. *wink* And besides, relationship statuses DO NOT make a person. It's who YOU are (to the people who matter) that defines you. Regardless of being single, in a normal or complicated relationship." -- Ivah

For my beautiful friend and for whoever can relate to this: let me reiterate that it's who YOU are that should define you. You need not declare any status -- they are merely labels of a certain fact of your life that should just be optionally known. You can have a real relationship even without defining or declaring it. It's between you and the other person. Peel off the label and what's left is what counts.

I have to admit seeing the relationship statuses of other people may be interesting, but no one has the right to make you feel you are "less of a person" just because of you are single. What, a girl can't be complete without a guy? HELL NO. *bitchy side resurfaces* Okay okay, same goes for guys too.

There shouldn't be any pressure getting into a relationship. No pressure declaring it either. And if it's for you, then it will happen no matter what. Regardless of day and age.

Kudos to whatever status you may have -- as long as it's your choice.

No Mood No Write

I have writer's block. As Bianca Gonzalez tweeted earlier today, she salutes journalists who have deadlines with their articles, because she can't always work on a deadline. If it's too distracting, she can't write. Ditto here. I can't just force myself to write when I don't feel like it.

Which is why I'm doing a somewhat paradoxial act of writing about my own writer's block. For a change, maybe I should express why I am not in the mood to write by writing about it. Go figure.

No time. I've been busy mommyhooding that I don't have time to write. I realized that I was able to write the past couple of months because my dad was often there to help me out with EJ since it was summer vacation (he's a teacher). But now, as we speak, a timer is ticking and anytime soon, wowo would "return" my son to me. Tik tok.

No mood. Probably related to previous reason. If I have no time to write, then I would also have no time to be in a mood for it. Except if I have an extreme emotion, which brings me to the next reason --

No extreme emotion. I'm steady. Most of the time. My recent extreme emotions I'm able to let it out in another way. Besides, not all extreme emotions are publishable. Haha.

No interesting topic around me. Why? Because I'm just in the house, damnit. I can't even watch my own channels on cable. It's always tuned to a) Baby TV b) Disney Junior (formerly Playhouse Disney, btw) c) Disney Channel d) Nickolodeon (very seldom). So there are no issues to talk about because I'm shut-out from the world. Except for Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook & Twitter. I have to admit, some of my short-term rants are already either in Facebook and/or Twitter. Better to let it out as status updates than spend time (which I hardly have) in front of the laptop typing fast about it.

But I miss blogging. I miss being reflective. I miss being bitchy and cynical. I miss being expressive. I miss having bursting thoughts and emotions I hardly know where to start. I miss that "can't wait to blog about it" feeling. I miss having uncluttered thoughts. I miss writing from the heart.

I'll get you back. Just you wait.

This is ME -- Unica Ivah

My Life is a Fishbowl. And I am the Fish.

Such is my life. In a fishbowl where I am the fish and everybody stares at me. I can only hide for a short time in that small castle someone placed in the middle. Wait a minute. Have I not been to the ocean? Why was I yanked from there? Who the heck scooped me up and plopped me here, in the middle of watchful eyes?

I shun the light, but it follows me everywhere. But then again, my "everywhere" ain't all that big. I'm just in a fishbowl, remember? Tsktsk. Or should I say *blop*blop* (water bubbles).

Cliffnotes Version: A logical fallacy is forcing me to conform to a stereotypical (idealistic) image that is molded from the past. Ergo, the watchfulness. Ergo, the desire for paradigm shift. Change of water. Change of aquarium. Back to the ocean.