Blast from the Friggin' Past

Blasts from the pasts and reminiscing moments always conjure up twilight-zoney feelings for me. They produce a surreal effect that I sometimes don't know if I want to dwell on it or not. I guess it depends on what aspect of the "past" we are talking about.

I had one such moment this afternoon. An auto-email to my Yahoo! inbox told me I had a comment on my blog. No not this blog, my Friendster Blog. A 2005 entry. Of course I knew it was spam, but I suddenly remembered, oh yeah, I was blogging that long ago! I think I transferred my friendster blogs to this site back in 2008 but I'm not sure if I transferred all. 


So then I decided to read the entry, and lo and behold! There was a picture of me and my ex. Hahaha! I couldn't resist reading the rest of the entry and the twilight-zoney feeling came over me.... I was on the outside looking in.... I was looking at myself 6 years ago.... That was how I felt, that was how I looked, that was how I wrote (pretty much the same way hahaha), that was what was going on in my life at that time... It was actually fun and very interesting to read my past entries, most of which I couldn't remember writing.... Hey, I guess once I let go of my feelings through writing I put those thoughts in the back burner.

As I was reading through various dates, there was actually one paragraph in an entry that had me thinking and laughing at the same time. It went something like this:

"This is also the first and the last time I am going to mention this: to the person whom I have hurt early this year, I’m really sorry. There were decisions I had to make, and in making them I had to sacrifice our chance. Although I never regretted my decision, I am still sorry for causing pain to someone who really cared for me. Thank you for everything you did for me. Those six months are full of memories I will cherish."

Honestly, my first reaction was like, "Who the hell was I referring to?!" I was clapping my had over my mouth in confusion. I know the date of the blog and I remember under what circumstances I was writing it. So I had to backtrack and calculate. Then I realized... then I LOLed. Why? Because I guess after realizing some things, I wouldn't exactly write about that person in such a.... kind way. I was thinking, what did he do for me? But oh well, maybe I was in a softie emo phase while writing the blog so I wouldn't wanna contradict myself directly. Haha!

I really am thankful I kept those blogs. I wish Friendster won't erase them. It allowed me to take a glimpse of myself and live in my past for a while -- just a while, because I wouldn't trade my present for anything else. :)