Anyway, in an effort NOT to turn a movie title into a cliche, lemme just say that this short phrase actually translates to "The life that we were taught to live by is not always what it seems; there will always be changes that may not necessarily be part of our design."
Having said that, I believe it's true, especially for some of us who were brought up in an ideal environment. The little perfect ideal world does not necessarily translate directly into a mere bigger ideal world version. And we have to be ready to accept that.
Case in point: Me. I was living a sheltered life through elementary and highschool. I went to college starting out with a big chunk of the previous "sheltered life as I knew it". But pretty soon I knew I had to accept the new world I was now living in. Exit sheltered life. Enter college life. Unfortunately, my then boyfriend was weighing me down because he refuses to see that this world is entirely different from our highschool world. Either that or he doesn't want me to go out and meet the real world for fear that I might leave him behind? Whatever. The point being, it's hard to move in a new world when there's someone watching over you like a hawk on an eating binge. Life in highschool as I knew it changed (somehow) in college. When I got a job, I was in for another entrance test to the corporate world.
Exit carefree college life. Enter responsible yuppie life. Bills to pay. Allowance from my own pocket (or ATM) had to be budgeted, new people to meet and get along with, and that includes the Boss and the Boss' aides. Working for someone who has the power to fire you was pressuring and mind-blanking -- at first. Of course, once I adjusted to my "new corporate life as I knew it", it became my "life as I know it" for almost a decade, up until the time I left the corporate world for Mommyhood.
Exit corporate life. Enter Mudra life. The end of a life as I knew it and yet again the start of another. Will this life be the end of the story? Hardly. From the looks of it, there is and shall be many changes (drastic or otherwise) within my new "mudra life as I know it". I have a lot to learn. I have a lot to figure out. I have a lot to experience. At this stage, it seems pointless to conjure up any ideals sensing that I sometimes can't even determine what the ideal mudra life is all about. It was easier to stereotype the ideal scenario of a corporate world: Sucess = lots of moola = great career. But how can one define success in motherhood? Is it that your child finished pre school, gradeschool, highschool and college? Is it that your child isn't a rebel? Your child may not be a rebel, but has he made a difference in this world? If neither, are you still successful as a parent?
Seems like this current life as I know it has a LOT of gray areas, thin lines and variable responses. It's scary, fulfilling, exhausting, interesting, thrilling, even anxiety-building. I guess the only way to describe my "current life as I know it" is that it's as volatile as anti-matter on a vacuum canister running out of battery (sorry, refer analogy to Dan Brown's Angels and Demons). A small leak can change everything and even make it explode. Which is why I have to make sure I stay sane, stable, balanced and zonked with a lotta love and patience. Wishing for wisdom wouldn't hurt too, for me to accept the things I cannot control. And jaw strength too, to bite my tongue whenever I have the urge to retort, complain, sarcastically comment etc.
Bottomline: This "current life as I know it"... Seems I don't know it well after all. Not yet, anyway.
2 comments:
I agree! I think this "life" that we are currently living is much much more challenging than the other lives we've lived.
I guess being a mother is the hardest but most fulfilling "job" of all :-)
Yes Cie, true that. Mommyhood is the hardest but most fulfilling job of all. :)
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