Someday, someone's gonna take your place...

(This was originally posted in my friendster blog dated March 26, 2007 at 10:33 PM)


“Move on.” 2 short words but (one of the) hardest things to do.

“Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday”

I know the pains of break-ups. Needless to say, I have been through it a number of times, and it is never easy, nor is it painless, especially if we were the ones left behind – after we gave them everything. The memories will always be there, the loneliness is persistent, the hurt and the pain still stings. Everything has changed and the world is falling apart, crumbling down in its cruel glory. I know. It was a familiar feeling not too long ago.

So then, what will happen to us? The world does not revolve around us; nor would it stop spinning to mourn with us. Thus, the two hardest words: “Move on.”

Oh, and probably the 2nd hardest word? “Acceptance.”

What could I do? I couldn’t die. I didn’t want to lie in a vegetative state forever. So I had to change my frame of mind. I had to prove to myself and to everyone around me that I can recover. I had to do things FOR ME, and not for him or whoever. Because this time, I knew I deserved to think of MYSELF.

So then I told myself: Go out, have fun, go on dates. There is a whole new world out there. Go to the GYM. Not only would you look good, you will also meet new people, and new possibilities.
Have pride, have dignity. Do not run after whoever, especially if that person was the one who chose to leave. Because the mere fact that the person chose to end the relationship already meant that something is already wrong with it. If the person grudgingly consented to reconcile with you, can you honestly live with the thought that he might be merely forced to do it out of pity? I can NOT handle that. The thought alone gives me more determination to move the hell on.

Here's a fact. Whether we like it or not, what happens to us emotionally after the breakup is NO LONGER the fault of the other person. Unless, of course, he rubs it in your face on purpose. Otherwise, if we find out about his post-breakup happiness or problems because of our own efforts (checking out his friendster/myspace/multiply/YM or making contact with the person or asking his friends about him etc) then WE ARE TO BLAME if we feel hurt all over again. Why? Because it is ultimately OUR CHOICE: either make ourselves suffer or not. I’m guilty of all these, because I have been through it and I have learned from it. I’m not saying that the other person is faultless even if he did something wrong – but we are talking about how to move on here, and the point is not to hold grudges, and not to hold on at all.

Do it for yourself. Let go. Believe me, it’s easier, with less torment and humiliation. Have pride, have dignity. Chin up, face the world. We may be hurting inside, but our determination to feel good about ourselves will eventually get the better of us. And sooner or later, we will feel good.
Remember: How we feel right now (because of our own doing) is our own fault.

Do you want to be happy?
Then do something about it.
Learn to let go.

(This is dedicated to my friends who are going through this now, especially Arlene. Sis, I love you, and I hate seeing you like that. Unfortunately, only you can pick yourself up. I hope you do, the soonest possible time.)